Grandpa
My grandfather, Louie, had long ear lobes
Lohan ears I would see later in my life
not a tall man his oval head shaved
good for circulation he would say
a vest covered with a second vest
his clear face with a deeply creviced chin.
from the Friday evening subway ride
we walk along uneven smooth grey slate sidewalks
to what was Ida and his apartment in Williamsburg
where today an elevated highway goes through
the narrow kitchen window
soft worn fabric pads on wood straight back chairs
the oil clothed kitchen table wedged against one wall
worn cracked pattern uneven linoleum creaking
as aunt Ida, wearing slippers shuffles back and forth.
The smell of chicken soup fills the small apartment
as it simmers uncovered on the old gas stove.
The porcelain sink drain board holding soup bowls
carrots floating along with small circles of fat.
My mother in a stylish grey wool pin-stripe suit
cigarette balanced between her manicured fingers
one leg crossed its grey suede pump pointing
toward the stove and in Aunt Ida’s path.
She is telling some story about something
I am not listening until he stops her mid sentence
asks her to repeat, spell an unknown word
taking a pen from his inside vest pocket
wetting it on his tongue before writing
this magic new word in the corner of the
folded Jewish Daily Forward
his finger running across his lower lip,
chin pointing up eyes closed for a few
quiet seconds all stands still
then he uses his new word in a sentence.

Circus at Madison Square Gardens:

Entering the huge doors,
holding his hand tight in fear of being trampled
smells of sawdust and animals filled my head
plastic cupie dolls covered with glitter
dangling from sticks along with
wooden painted snakes winding around
wild coloured balloons
paper bags with peanuts, cracker jacks and cotton candy.
we walked with crowds of people down a wide staircase
smells getting stronger saw dust thicker under my Mary Janes
we finally stepped into a huge crowded space
thick ropes separating us from elephants
swaying huge trunks up in the air and down again
not able to see what everyone was looking at
he squeezed us to the front
I looked up at a part man part woman,
right down the middle half and half
then a bearded woman
another woman in silky balloon pants and a fancy brassiere
standing near a big opened wooden trunk the mirrored lid
reflecting a big slithering snake
she picked up and draped around her naked waist.

then a man with sticks that he lit with fire
waved around and almost swallowed before
taking up a sword and waving it around
I hid my face in my grandfather’s arm
no, no, look it is good for you to see
looking up at his face, deep lines in his forehead, grey stubble,
I wondered if he really did get such long ear lobes
by lifting weights from them when he was in the circus
the fat lady oozy with red lips
flesh tumbling over the arm of her big chair
midgets wearing hula skirts dancing and playing ukulele
the tallest man in the world a giant
thick black hair and deep-set eyes
spinning a little top onto a long string
standing behind what looked like a cage
leaning on it with his hands to pull himself up
he looked like he hurt I started to cry
I was tired glittering pink woman on swaying trapeze,
hanging by teeth
with arched backs, a foot pointed
meeting a line with sparkling curly hair
all glittery lights flashing over outstretched arms
along the edge of the audience like so many
Christmas decorations
constant movement and noise.
Lions in one ring, jumping through hoops
loud music, and drums
Lights flashing and confetti everywhere
clowns with huge shoes and red noses,
puffy hair and white faces,
one clown alone, sad sweeping the spotlight
until he swept it into a dustpan
then into a bag and it was dark
for a bout a second
Elephants sparkling women riding on them
a little boy dressed like a cartoon stood
playing a piano on turning disc round and round
I didn’t know where the lions went
I didn’t know how the elephants got there
did they walk up the same staircase as we did?
How did they get all this into the middle of the city?
and the show had not yet begun.